just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
