hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize