I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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