I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
