Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
