Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
