he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
