About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
