Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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