In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
