I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
