I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
