Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Quick, to the slutcave!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
