This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
