He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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