I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
