When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
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