its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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