nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
