my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
