video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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