K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
