I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
