My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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