hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Randomize
