i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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