My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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