This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
