Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
