My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
