On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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