Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
