You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize