mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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