i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
