Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Randomize