Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
