Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
