But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
