I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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