the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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