I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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