I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize