she woke up with a sticky ear
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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