and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
