Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
