So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
