Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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