I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
