9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
