everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
FUCK WHALES
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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