You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
