You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
