My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just tell him i said nine months
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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