Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
