Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
