why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
