My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
