Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
