walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
