I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
