Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
