feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
