WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
