he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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