dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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