You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
