Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
