that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
