I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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