i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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