Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
