oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
